Men's Mental Health: Spotting Toxic Masculinity And How To Help

Stress Awareness Month is now underway, running for the whole of April, so it’s the perfect time to pause, take a few deep breaths and check in with how you’re feeling right now.

Stress can take its toll in all sorts of weird and wonderful ways - and it’s such a sneaky customer that, in fact, you might not actually even know if you’re in its thrall until you find yourself in dire straits, dealing with severe burnout.

Look out for signs like feeling anxious, depressed, irritable and angry, as well as physical manifestations such as difficulty breathing, insomnia, fatigue, panic attacks, blurred vision/sore eyes, headaches, heartburn, nausea, dizziness, sudden weight gain or loss, rashes or itchy skin, chest pains, high blood pressure and stomach problems… among many others!

While stress and other mental health conditions can, of course, affect any person of any gender (and at any stage of life), it can be helpful to bear in mind that mental health outcomes between men and women aren’t really all that equal.

Why? Because of patriarchal systems and social expectations/ideals of what masculinity is, what masculinity looks like. These systems can put a huge amount of pressure on men (from a very early age) to think and behave in certain ways - one of which is not expressing emotion and not talking to other people about how they’re feeling. Boys don’t cry, after all!

Luckily, there are growing numbers of people fighting the good fight and working to tear down these unhelpful and damaging concepts that leave men struggling and suffering in silence.

This is important because there’s only so much any one person can take, male or female, and unexpressed emotion will eventually break its banks, leading to negative behaviours like violence and aggression (often directed towards those we’re closest to, including ourselves), as well as depression, anxiety and self-harm.

What is toxic masculinity?

It’s a phrase that’s bandied about a lot these days and, as a result, it’s now being met with increasing resistance from many quarters, but that’s because there’s a bit of a misunderstanding about what toxic masculinity is and what it actually means.

Because it is increasingly cropping up as a concept in conversations online and in real life, men - perhaps quite naturally - are biting back, labouring under the misapprehension that masculinity itself is under attack.

It’s important to remember that the term ‘toxic masculinity’ doesn’t mean that masculinity is bad, instead referring to the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits that men are increasingly feeling that they have to live up to, whether that’s because of societal or cultural expectations.

These concepts have been around for a very long time, but part of the problem in the 21st century is that we now have the internet, which helps to spread these damaging ideas, making it easier than ever before to target vulnerable people, convincing them that masculinity is all about power, control and gaining respect, and that showing emotion or empathy are weak traits.

This is where the toxicity comes into play, because using these ideas to build a world view and using them as a mantra to live by can have significant negative impacts on both boys and men, as well as society as a whole.

How does toxic masculinity affect men?

There are huge expectations put on men about how to behave and how to present themselves to the world - and if these 'rules' aren’t followed to the letter, then their very status as a man is called into question.

One of the biggest behavioural constraints that men often feel that they have to adhere to is not expressing their emotions.

Who recognises the phrase “man up”? It’s been a go-to term for quite some time and, at first glance, it perhaps seems a little innocuous but it can actually cause a huge amount of damage, suggesting that emotional expression is weak and will make you less of a man.

But if you stop and really think about it objectively, you’ll (probably quite quickly) see that there is no link between emotion and gender. Ultimately, we’re all people and we all feel in essentially the same way, so it’s vital to recognise that emotional expression isn’t a weakness in any way and, in fact, it’s a sign of strength.

Being self-aware comes into this, however, and you need to develop the ability to turn the lens inward and have some potentially tricky conversations with yourself if you’re to break free of these patriarchal traps, identify areas ripe for self-improvement and ultimately protect your mental health, making yourself more resilient in the face of increasing pressure from all sides.

How can men protect their mental health?

Because it’s deemed socially unacceptable, even now in 2025, for men to show emotion and vulnerability, it can make it seem as though they’re actually entirely emotionless… which, of course, we know isn’t true.

If you don’t acknowledge your feelings, get them out and deal with them head on, they’ll get bottled up - but you can’t keep a lid on them forever and eventually they’ll bubble to the surface, often emerging in the form of anger and aggression.

The first step towards tackling this is being honest with yourself. Don’t try to suppress what you’re feeling. There truly is no point in trying to do this, as the feelings won’t go anywhere and they’ll only snowball over time.

One big concern with toxic masculinity is that it has the potential to reduce your willingness to reach out and ask for help with your mental health when you need it, for fear of looking weak.

Talking about how you’re feeling, whether that’s with a close friend, a family member or a therapist or counsellor, will make a huge difference to your mental health, leaving you feeling lighter, less weighed down and better able to cope, thus helping you to prevent more debilitating mental health conditions from manifesting in the future.

To help you take that all-important first step towards protecting your mental health, the TOTUM team has joined forces with BetterHelp to offer you a student discount where you can gain access to thousands of licensed therapists.

Take full advantage of a 50 per cent discount on your first month of therapy and see what a difference it could make to your life. You might well be pleasantly surprised!